The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

When people say things to hurt you, remind yourself that this jab is about them, not you. They are projecting their fears, insecurities, ego, trauma and distorted thought processes on to you as a way to cope. You have a choice to internalize negative comments about your character, identity, expression or capabilities placed on to you by others, or choose to disagree. Restructure the narrative you create in response to their comment. Change your perspective. When I am presented with negative comments about how I look, sound, or express myself, or about my competencies or capabilities, I immediately search and find evidence that disproves what they tell me. The more you do the same, the more you will develop and/or maintain a narrative that consists of healthy self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth and self-acceptance. You can also change your narrative to that of compassion, and have compassion for the person presenting you their thoughts. Secure, loving, and kind people do not say words that jab at another person, and there is most likely something going on in their lives that would move them to say something like this. Wish them the best (and for them to heal), choose to disagree, find evidence that supports you are friggin’ awesome, and stay in the now. Go slay, my friends, go slay.

COMMENTS

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GRTR1
14:38 Dec 17 2019

well written

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paxnor
14:54 Jul 22 2021

that is some good-feelin', sensible, pick-me-up, believable kinda shit, right there!!

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I’ve been there, experiencing EXTREMELY unhelpful preoccupied thoughts that induce a state of discomfort (such as anxiety, sadness, or frustration). To change how you feel takes WORK. Lol ALL CAPS LOCK KIND OF WORK. What I’m about to say may seem odd, but if you start SPEAKING OUT LOUD TO YOURSELF, and talk yourself out of your thought process. Lol obviously you don’t want to do this in public, so in those cases I write to myself on my notepad app (kind of like "journaling"). Create a new perspective and talk yourself out of your original one. Things to consider: 1) Can you do anything to change this circumstance NOW? If not, acknowledge that. 2) Do you know 100% that your thoughts are true? Is there evidence? If not, acknowledge that. 3) Is there another way to view this situation? If so, make them up. Most likely your thought process is a made up narrative, so might as well make up a new one that serves you better.

Then, FOCUS on what you’re actually doing. Are you driving? Eating? Working? If your default thoughts pop back up, focus on your new perspective then back to what you’re doing.

Then, take ACTION. If you’re dwelling or stewing, get up and do something else. Boredom feeds discomfort. Also, you can take action with your situation and find evidence that proves or disproves your old or new thoughts, that way you aren’t guessing (try to focus more on the new, more helpful perspective). OR, you can ACT how you’d like to feel or how you’d like to be. If you’re sad because your thoughts are making you that way, re frame those thoughts and ask yourself what would a person who is in a better place be doing right now? Go do that (socialize, hike, exercise, create something, meditate, make gains). If your emotions are strong, that’s OK. Feel them. Self-soothe. Get validation. But I still suggest doing these other techniques, too.

COMMENTS

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Aclahayr
01:52 Jan 10 2020

Nice read.

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